Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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