He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
