Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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