I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
