Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
