someone threw a dead crab at me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
