I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
