you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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