I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Two words: blizzard sex
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
