remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i out mim tonsoeep
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