Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
