Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
