So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
