if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
