? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
