no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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