haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
