i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
