is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
