she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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