My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
