Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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