Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
