dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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