They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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