That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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