I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
