Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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