The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
