Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
