I accidentally burped into my bong.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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