handjob tips. give me some.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
