We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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