Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
