just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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