she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
