i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
