I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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