I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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