No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
