This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
