The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
