question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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