after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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