Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
