how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
