she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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