Whatcha textin bout Willis?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
