Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You ruined the universe
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
