I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
