Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
