P.S. I can't hear my feet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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