you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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