i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize