I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
