I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Someone came in the potted fern
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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