she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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