He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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