Don't you send me to vm
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
PANTIES FOUND
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
