bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
