In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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