The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
