I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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