I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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