see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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