I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
