i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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